i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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