i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
