I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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