He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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