college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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