nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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