i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
