Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
