i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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