It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
