There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house