If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
