You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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