problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
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Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.