Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3