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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.

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  These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell

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• (518): View more from New York

  Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood

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• (905): View more from Toronto

  Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.

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  21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.

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• (716): View more from New York

  At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it

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