So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
