you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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