if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
