well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I need a beard to bite.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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