Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
