He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
