You made me cry and you don't even care
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
