3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
