see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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