I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
