i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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