My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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