dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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