I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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