He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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