My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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