Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
