FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
