we made out on top of his cat.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
