I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
