she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
