You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
