You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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