Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im six kinds of drunk right now
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This baby is an asshole
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
