brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
May the power of my ass compel you!!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
