You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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