I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
