oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
