I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
