just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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