Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
