i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
