i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
