So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
