Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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