Your dad touched me again.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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