yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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