Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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