It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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