so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
