im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks