My girlfriend figured out who you are.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.