nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian