took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was