you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
