i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
