being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
