Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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