He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
