But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
this hospital has no fireball
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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