never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
