So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
