A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
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You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
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You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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