Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
