What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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