Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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