ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
