i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
