um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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