Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
