I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
it's like iHOP with fire
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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