Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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