she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm passing your future prison.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
