Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
