kristin has been a bad kristin
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
