he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
