man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
