Your face is a jimmy john
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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