if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I need water and some morals
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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