We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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