somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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