I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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