I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You need a sexual gate keeper
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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