I just saw a hot homeless man
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
