she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
