I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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