Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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