break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
