I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
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toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
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I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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